Sleeping Alone?{Kiah}

Pleasure was something that linger too far out of reach, my fingers always desperate to feel the emotion dancing through my body like a prancing pony- but ever actually getting the chance. It had been like this for as long as I could remember- and sometimes I just wish that I could experience it, even if it was just once…. Pulling my hand back to my side, allow my thoughts of pleasure and happiness to slide from my mind, my eyes wandering over to a couple of beautiful girls in the corner of the bar. A smile forms on my lips- but this was just a mask, something that I had taught myself to do after years and years of practice.

Placing the glass in my free hand on the wooden bench of the bar bench I let my eyes linger on the girls for a few more moments before getting to my feet and wandering over to them- leaving the empty glass behind, just like the memories of my lack of happiness or pleasure. “Why, hello ladies,” I coo, as I take a seat at their table. I smile at them and tilt my head slightly as I take in their bleach blonde locks of hair and smooth sleek bodies. They were beautiful and I wanted them- I wanted to see if maybe they were the key, the key to release the pleasure that hide somewhere deep within me.

“Can I get you anything, drinks, food, a warm body to cuddle whilst bathed in the light of the gentle moon,” my voice is smooth and confident as my eyes run over the girl’s faces. One of them flushes the deep colour of crimson and I can’t help but allow my smile grow bigger, my face breaking into something that seemed warm and welcoming- but I felt nothing but the cold shiver of an emotionless marble statue. The other girl smiles back at me, one of her delicate hands moving to play with a strand of her golden locks. “I think that you could get me- us- all of those things,” she purrs and I smile back at her, before getting to my feet and heading back over to the bar, where I order three drinks and a few snacks. It only takes me a moment and by the time I have gotten back to my seat, the girl whose face which had lighten up redder than a beetroot was now pale and pure. I smile at her as I pass her a drink and she averts her gaze with a shy, hesitant smile- “Don’t mind my friend, she is a bit shy,” the more confident girl states, placing a small hand on her friends shoulder.

“It’s cute,” I comment casually as I toss the liquid in the cup into the depths of my throat. It sends warm shivers through me and I don’t flinch, or gag, I welcome it, after all, wasn’t this the closest- well one of the closest- things I had to knowing what pleasure felt like? People have always told me that pleasure- or happiness- was when a warm fuzzy feeling invaded your body making you smile, sometimes cry even. Well that’s what alcohol did to me, is made me feel warm, from the inside out- my own version of happiness. “My names…”

* * *

The night has been spinning, my mind sinning just as fast. My head seemed to tilt whilst the world stayed still. I was wandering the streets, my body as slow as the snail that wandered a few feet behind me. A building came up before me and something struck me as familiar- was I home? I wander to myself before struggling down the empty path foot. My feet reach the end of the cement path foot, my fingers reaching forwards to clasp the metal knob of the door handle. Funny, the door wasn’t opening. A frown slips onto my face as I tug harder on the door handle, only to find, once again, that it wasn’t opening- not now not ever.

With a frustrated sigh I slip over the small fence that surrounded the house- my house, right? And slipping into the garden, my eyes finding the back door. Instantly I begin to wander over to the door, my hands pulling the door open in seconds. My shoulders sag with relief as I enter the house, my feet making no sound as I head up stairs towards the bedroom, but it wasn’t there. I frown- where was my bed? I slip from the room and cross the hallway my fingers peeling open the door across the hall. A bed spread out in front of my eyes and I let my shoulders relax before I flop down heavily on the bed, my heavy eye lids closing until sleep drifted me off into a world where I was no longer intoxicated and I was happy- really happy.