Next In Line :: (Eye + Nino) [JB Blitz]
Feb 3, 2014 6:45:04 GMT -5
Post by L△LIA on Feb 3, 2014 6:45:04 GMT -5
( N I N O R I P L E Y )
Time must bend to the will of the girl who visits Eye Saw first, because two minutes seem to multiply into twenty as I wait for a turn to speak with the the unexpected Volunteer. I don't know what I'm going to say to him yet and it begins to feel the same as when Fitz and Noah were on the other side of this door. I'm sure I said all the wrong things then too. There aren't any words that can make this kind of thing okay, but that doesn't mean I can just walk away and pretend this never happened. Today, a stranger saved my life even though my name was never said, and I'm not sure how to explain that to him, only that I have to try. I've made a promise to myself that I'll do anything to become a man who is actually worth something — for Ursula, for Jude, and now for this person I've never even met.
There aren't very many people in this world who would understand that being the one left behind is worse than... anything else. Volunteering may have rescued Jude from physical harm in the Arena, but I was the one who would have had to live with what happened and that would have been more gruesome still. I can barely live with myself now. I'm a grave robbing idiot with a newfound temper and bone-breaking habit of throwing my fists around, who only knows how to obsess over the kind of love that's as destructive as it is legendary, just like everything else in my life. It's as though I inherited my brother's worst traits after they died (Jude, please, I can't go crazy on top of everything else) and I should probably throw myself into the next cemetery pit I dig and stay there, but lately I've gotten it into my head that I can change if only the world will give me an opportunity like today. I keep telling myself I'm a man, but the only thing I can honestly say right now is that —
"I'm Jude Ripley's little brother."