And then there were two... // Tyren-Ky

Tyren Orca

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down

Dreams and darkness. Darkness, then dreams. They're supposed to make somebody scared, or please them to no limits. The conscious is protected from the horrible thoughts of the unconscious. There's a middle ground, to which the dreams slip through and suddenly, they can see them.

The tent has enough room for the three lads to lay. Matthew takes up more space than he needs, and Max is simply taking as little as possible. It leaves Tyren with just enough for himself. Not that he would need it, his eyes are closed and there's a darkness behind them. Not in his eyes themselves, but in his head. It's been this way for so long. Ever since the heart-dropping fight with Matthew. They had deteriorated, though. They shouldn't be here now. They are. Something has brought them back, and he's not quite sure what it is. He remembers it so clearly, so vividly now. It's almost as though before, it was never a certainty to him as to how it ended. He was told, but not truthfully. People just said he was brave. That he was strong and that he did them proud. How can anybody do another proud if they nearly lost their life? It's because he didn't do anybody proud. Not that he knows of at least. Nobody can be proud of that. Not even him. He knows it deep down, but he's been neglecting it inhumanely. Perhaps, it is time to finally face his thoughts.
He can't, though. They are trapped in his unconscious. He doesn't know that he's thinking them. He's unaware of how his mind really feels right now.

Sweat beads drip from his forehead. A lack of breath. His breathing is fast and rapid in his sleeping state, curled into himself without intention - as though he were protecting himself. In his dreams, he has no protection. He's without a guardian looking down on him. There's no Max to save him from that arena. There's he wants. The whole crowd is composed of familiar faces. The prominent one is Alex. That's because Alex was in the crowd. The only other that he thinks it peculiar, is Mark. Mark is a cousin that distanced himself. There's no connection. Why is Tyren thinking of it?
It's because Tyren knows deep down, that he needs people like Mark around him. Strong people. Intolerant of family ties. Just a strong friend that doesn't crumble. Matthew isn't mentally strong - not in the eyes of Tyren. He needs a shoulder everytime he breaks a nail. Mark... Mark is mentally strong. That's why Tyren is thinking of it.

Suddenly, his hands propel him from his sleep, sitting up now. Nobody heard him. He was silent. It's true, he doesn't snore after all. How can he, if he's not truly sleeping well?

He takes a moment to recollect himself. His emotions spiralling and his head spinning. Rising to his feet but crouching underneath the tent's lowness, he makes his way out. Unzipping the door quietly, hearing nothing from his tent-mates. The fresh air is connecting with his skin for the first time in what seems to be an hour or so. His heart beat hasn't declined. His skin's pores are all open and the hair on his arms and the back of his neck are all on edge. It's as though it had all happened. He can remember it, for now. He needs to remember it - it's the only way it won't surprise him again. He sighs, and looks to his hands. His heart skips a beat as suddenly he has blood all over them, scaling all up his arms. He drops to the floor is shock, taken straight to his back whilst he keeps himself up with the hands that were bloodied, panting heavily but he's still quiet. He looks around, checking he's in reality. His breaths are violently fast. And he has to return his snapping eyes to the hands that were full of blood.

They aren't. He closes his eyes in a deep breath, wiping his forehead of any sweat.

There's no way he'll get back to sleep any time soon.

That's when he hears something else - something that is probably also part of his imagination. Water. He turns swiftly around, the lake not being too far. It could be anything. Which is why it's so scary. His thoughts think and snap to whatever it could be. He makes a walk towards it, half cautious and half curious. Anxious, would be a better word.

It's Kyanite.

"Ky." He whispers over at her. "What are you doing out here?"

I'm only human
And I crash and I break down

Tyren Orca

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down

It was the last thing that Tyren was expecting, if it was going to be anything. A splash of the water; he half expected Gala drowning again. He's not one to dwell on the past though, but his unconscious reminds him all the time. He hides it from the others, because there's no point bringing it up to them unless they can help. They can't, he feels. She moves from her curled state and sits herself by her shoes. "Can't sleep. You?" He shakes his head at her, with no words because there is little need for them. He goes to sit himself next to her.

"I didn't mean to wake you, if I did. I was just.. going to take a night swim. Did I wake you?" He shakes his head again, but this time he actually speaks. The lowness of his voice is polite. It keeps to a tone, and has a calmness behind it yet it is quite deep. "No." He says, with a smile of course. It's a warm smile, but not the kind that erupts his face into joy. It's small, and only half sought. She didn't wake him, something else did.

His heart beats gently now, but he can still feel it. It's almost like every moment other than these, he forgets he has that heart of his. It's always beating in there though, and he will never take that for granted again. Not since the last time he did. That's why he sat and talked to Matthew about peacekeeping, about how it isn't for him. He wouldn't dare mention that to Kyanite, whom without Tyren's presence may not be present herself. That's what binds Tyren to his job, his role in society. Not just this one girl and her life that could not have been, but because of the many lives that one day will be put on a list and posted next to Tyren's grave. Accomplishments, almost but not quite.

Not everybody deserves to be saved, after all.

"It's really beautiful out here." He says, realizing how cool the breeze is against the water. The smells are simply picturesque. He indulges in them in one inhale that he really does draw the nature from. Trees, water. Even the strange mixed smell of the two. He enjoys this kind of atmosphere and never gets to cherish it at any other time. Tonight is definitely that of a special occasion. He didn't notice it earlier, but his hand is shaking quite a bit. He tries to hide it but when he draws his legs into a crossed position, putting his hands behind him, he can't get comfortable. It's an irritation of both the blood inside and the muscles that are tiring. It's not the cold, anybody could see that. It's not the nerves. Sitting next to a girl would never have him scared. It's the dreams from earlier. They shook him. Nothing ever scares him, but those terrible dreams. He hides his shakiness by holds his hands joined, on his ankles. He's wearing just his black tank top which he sleeps in. His sweatpants as well, which are black. they're shorts that go to his knees. If Kyanite was at all perceptive, she'd see the scar there, the scars on his right arm and also the ones on his neck. Not that the neck scars are ever not visible. People rarely ever mention them. That's because he only hangs around people who know. It's another unconscious decision his mind makes without him knowing. "You're not really going for a night swim, are you?" He asks her, knowing that nobody would in trade for a decent nights sleep.

I'm only human
And I crash and I break down

Tyren Orca

I've been tired of this thinking
so I've drowned it out with drinking
Tastes like a bitter pill but I'll just wash it down
With the taste of something sweet that some doctor gave me now
And this is a madness
I'm not giving in

The setting is serene. The distant warmth of the bygone sun is settling, but the nearer chill of the nighttime is lingering like a sleeve over Tyren's body. He likes the cold, it's harmonizing to how he's feeling. Too warm, the dreams - nightmares - weren't pleasant. The exposure to the blanket of iciness is relaxing. Chill really does become chilled. Kyanite looks, to Tyren, like somebody that is dependent right now. When she had his drink in her hand, she looked different. She was standing up on her own two feet, apart from Matthew for one of the few times that Tyren has witnessed. Tyren's reaction as to what happened the first night... He wasn't even sure. He couldn't piece it together at first. Slowly, he got a vague idea. He wasn't sure how to approach Matthew again. He wasn't sure whether he would even see him as a friend or a foe the next time that they meet.

Sitting with Kyanite now feels normal. It's not like sitting next to a friend, because it will always be in the back of his mind that she is a girl - but it is like sitting next to something more special than that. He knows that it isn't full yet, that his this feeling of familiarization is still to develop, but he finally has found what Kyanite has been set to be in his mind; a sister. It makes complete sense.

He's always wanted a sister. A real one, not just a cousin that can only pretend they are close. Whether Kyanite can be that close, best friends even, with Tyren is yet to be seen. Even he doesn't know whether it is possible, with all that the pair has been through together and not together. Perhaps, that is an encouraging factor. When he placed his lips upon hers, it was not out of love or even out of caring. It was an instinct that later, he grew to see as a good decision. Now, he thinks that perhaps it was fate that brought them literally together like that. The gesture is far from romance, and far from love. It is generous, kind but nothing at all affectionate. He wasn't sure what to think of it at first. Whether perhaps he was expecting Matthew to be angry, distraught and disgraced he wasn't sure.

But somehow, if he thinks of that - Matthew - he feels pain. He doesn't want to think of that person any more. He doesn't want to regard him as a friend right now. It's been thrown into a complicated spectrum to which only he has access to, because to him - only he knows the truth. He did it for the fun, the entertainment and for the life of the evening that they were all having. He has no affectionate feelings for Matthew, either. It has been a joining of so many different connecting points - from the gay jokes, the talk about girls or lack thereof in Tyren's case, the uncertainty from Matthew's perspective... Tyren has no idea what to blame for it. So now, sitting next to Matthew's girlfriend... There is the temptation that isn't revealed on anything he would do whilst only sitting, to perhaps prove to Matthew that men are not his aim in life. That he does want a family and that he does want children. But Kyanite is not somebody that Tyren would ever love in that way.

That's why he avoids those thoughts entirely.
It would be like dating Alba, or Tara. There's a degree of innocence in the nature of their relationship. They aren't here out of compassion yet, they are here because they have both witnessed the same thing. That's why Tyren feels as though she is a sister.
That's why there is no doubt in his mind.

"Kinda. I mean, why not. It's yielding to someone when they need it." Her voice replies to Tyren's question. He didn't think she would come all the way out here to swim when she'd have had the opportunity to do so a million times over this weekend. What she speaks of next has Tyren's deep brown eyes widen. He's truly shocked.

"I wish the water could take away the pain. It wouldn't take long... or just let it consume enough of my heat to fall into a deep slumber, if only for a little while."

"Kyanite..." He says, with an overly compassionate tone. She continues speaking. "... no sleep for the weary. Not when he's still alive." He can't help but glare at her, not judgingly. Not with any malice. His protective nature is taking rolls in his head. He puts his hands together to keep the warmth, only a little bit of his breath coming from his mouth showing the cold. It's not a shiver. It's a nice feeling but it is overtaken by his desire to see her safe, away from this poisonous thoughts that he really cannot stand hearing. It's like hearing his own thoughts from three months ago, or some time similar, as to when he was in the hospital bed. He contemplated slipping his hand out with the lifelessness that he was possessing during the first few hours, and gripping clumsily to the IV, to the heart rate monitor and to anything he could find and ripping it from the sockets, and with it the pain. It could all have ended in that moment, if he had the courage to make it so. He couldn't bring himself to give that pain to others. To his family. That was before Matthew came, and explained himself. Then, his thoughts weren't on killing himself, but on ending the life of Matthew, too. It was hectic, crazy. He was going crazy. He was brought back by the people around him.

He needs to be that person for Kyanite.

"I... felt the same once." He slowly says. He doesn't know whether revealing this will be a good idea at all. He has no clue on what he is doing, just acting on a whim that could start or break something new. "Back in the hospital, after the pregames." A line to which he has said all too often, but only now is he going to tell the truth. "I nearly cut the wire." He doesn't need to elaborate. Any person could put two and two together, surely. "Matthew stopped me without knowing. Just by being there, I had somebody else I wanted to kill first." He can't believe he's saying this, to his girlfriend. It makes him all too aware. "It's not the same, I know, but you mustn't give in to that ticking in the back of your head." He shakes his head to himself, her attention not on him at all, but she will no doubt listen. "It hurts when you aren't in the place you want to be, with the people you want to be with. If you ever did decide that going for a 'swim' was a good idea... You'd be letting him win."

We're shining like diamonds
With fire in our bones
Standing beside you I've a feeling that I'll never walk alone

Tyren Orca

I've been tired of this thinking
so I've drowned it out with drinking
Tastes like a bitter pill but I'll just wash it down
With the taste of something sweet that some doctor gave me now
And this is a madness
I'm not giving in

"You're wrong, Tyren. He's already won." I privately roll my eyes. He only wins when you tell yourself he has. My thoughts bounce. "As long as he's still breathing, he'll never lose." She speaks, taking no pauses for drama. She's saying it how she feels it, and for that I can only admire her bravery to do so. I just can't help but knock the fact that she didn't listen to what I said, fully. It feels as though my admission of wanting to kill Matthew that day has gone completely unnoticed. She didn't even bat an eyelid. I'm surprised, and maybe a little disappointed. Me and Matthew are... were good friends. Up until last night, I would like to hope that I'd never have those murderous thoughts ever again. I haven't, and don't actually plan on having them back. The fact that I did shows how much I've grown up over the past few months. Meeting these people has changed a lot of things for me. I cannot put into mere words how important people are to my life. Without some of them around, I don't know what I would do.

If Alex was to no longer be around, no longer be with me and by my side - I'd be little to nothing. I'd have nobody to take counsel from, and nobody to console my thoughts and make sure I'm on the right track. I'd love to hope that I have that same role for somebody else, but it just doesn't work like that. I don't know enough about Kyanite to understand her situation, not fully. I know that she's been through a lot, and that she has felt guilt to some degree... "Can't you see what he's done? If it was just me that he had hurt again, I can handle it. I don't care what would have happened to myself, but it's what he did to Gala and MAtthew. Even you and Max." She questions whether I can see what Jins has done. Me of all people, my head echoes to me. Me and Max left without wounds. In fact, I think Max and I were the only two that actually didn't get hurt. Alex had some trouble getting round the events, and really had some difficulty dealing with sleep afterwards. Not just pathetic nightmares. It came to the point where he wouldn't be able to sleep all night so he just went downstairs instead. Thankfully, he met somebody to get him out of that rut and into the world again; Adina. Now, if I understand it right, he and her talk it through and he can sleep fine, as long as she's there. It's almost crushing to have seen him like that, but to know that he is fine, and that he isn't going to have recurring nightmares where he kills Matthew by pushing the knife deeper, is good.

"Because of what I kept to myself. All because I let him keep doing what he did. It isn't fair, Tyren. It just isn't fair. How am I suppose to live with the fact that I almost lost them?"

"Do you really think that life is fair, Kyanite? Nobody gets given anything in life. If you let life bring you down, it will. It has no mercy. Instead, you have to make the best of each and every situation. Living on is the only mercy that life will give you, and trust me when I say I know what you're talking about. It doesn't feel like mercy." I pause. "But life does give you hope. It's in the form of the people around you. Not me, but who you will meet in the future." I take the smallest of glances to her stomach, and I'm really pleased to know that she didn't see me due to her looking at her hands. "Their deaths would have been on my hands..." She speaks. "Don't be stupid." I tell her. I am being blunt, because it is stupid. "Jins is your problem, and so it is up to us as your friends to make it ours. We knew what we were getting involved in. We will deal with the consequences."

We're shining like diamonds
With fire in our bones
Standing beside you I've a feeling that I'll never walk alone