Help Me? (Stare)

Hiya, Arc! My name's Stare, and I'll be your tutor for this session. I'm looking forward to it ^^

I hope you don't mind, but since this thread is a bit old, I decided to take a look at one of your more recent posts instead of the samples you gave me. Here is the paragraph I focused in on:

Luna walked towards a station that seemed to be for throwing knives, she decided to give it a try and then go to knives. Luna picked up one of the knives, she felt in her hand. The handle felt cool, as if it was put in cold water before it was placed on the rack. Luna steadied her feet, and aimed for the target. She threw it, and it hit the targets' feet. She burst out laughing, she found it hilarious that she did so horrible. Sometimes, failing is funny. Luna tried again, and it hit the hand. She shook her head, she didn't know why she expected so much of herself. Luna asked the instructor for help on throwing knives, and he gave some. It helped quite a bit, he gave some pointers and Luna followed along. Soon, she could hit in more fatal parts, not deathly, just fatal.

This is a really good start ^^ I like how you describe Luna's actions. I think you've got character movement and reaction down, so we're going to focus on something else - expanding on thought.

Expanding on thought is critical when writing in order for readers to connect with your character. They need to know exactly how your character is feeling, what they're thinking, why they're doing the things they're doing. They need to, at least somewhat, understand your character's mind. I'm going to show you what I mean by taking another look at that paragraph. Don't take any of it as criticism - I'm just being nit picky so I can give you more examples of including and expanding on thought ^^

Luna walked towards a station that seemed to be for throwing knives, she decided to give it a try and then go to knives.

Why is Luna drawn toward the throwing knives? Do they seem more deadly and therefor more useful to her? Or does she want a weapon that will put some distance between her and her kill? Does she shy away from contact, so she prefers a weapon she can throw? Does she have previous experience with knives? Do they seem more familiar than the other weapons? Bottom line: What was Luna's thinking when she chose the throwing knives as her weapon of choice?

Luna picked up one of the knives, she felt in her hand. The handle felt cool, as if it was put in cold water before it was placed on the rack.

How does holding a weapon make Luna feel? Is she anxious? Does it worry her, make her think of the blood to come and what she might become? Or does it calm her because she thinks it can help her defend herself? Does she feel power? Does she feel guilt?

Luna steadied her feet, and aimed for the target. She threw it, and it hit the targets' feet. She burst out laughing, she found it hilarious that she did so horrible. Sometimes, failing is funny.

Has Luna failed before? Does she normally react this way when she fails? Is she laughing to hide nervousness, or is she genuinely amused?

Luna tried again, and it hit the hand. She shook her head, she didn't know why she expected so much of herself.

Why doesn't Luna feel this way? Does she have a tendency to fail? Why did she expect so much of herself to begin with? Was it arrogance? Hope? Desperation?

Luna asked the instructor for help on throwing knives, and he gave some. It helped quite a bit, he gave some pointers and Luna followed along. Soon, she could hit in more fatal parts, not deathly, just fatal.

How does Luna feel about this improvement? Proud of herself? More safe, now that she can use a weapon? Or is she worried about what it will mean when she enters the Arena? Does it make her realize that should she have such good aim in the Games, she'll be killing someone? How does that make her feel?

Obviously you don't have to answer all these questions, or even most of them (have your character think too much and you risk them rambling to themselves in their head). Just keep in mind that readers want to know how your character feels and what they think about certain things. It helps them better understand who they are and how they'll react to things in the future.

Exercise!

I'd like you to go out and find a post that you feel has a good example of expanding on thought. Link me to it and tell me where you see these thoughts, how they make you feel, how they help you better understand the character, and what you liked about the post in general ^^ Good luck! <333

That's absolutely fantastic, Arc! Exactly what I was looking for ^^ Well done! <333

You really nailed the metaphor/similie. You were able to take your character's surroundings and adjust them in order to suit their thoughts. I especially liked how you used the wintry weather to create mood.

Since you did so well, I think that's what we'll move onto - mood and theme. Once we've finished these areas, I think you'll be all set, unless there's anything else you want help with ^^ Theme and mood help to pull everything together and give a common purpose and direction. For thoughts it is especially helpful in keeping things unified and sensible. In a way, mood and theme guide the thoughts along. They give you something to work with.

Generally, theme is considered to be an idea that is present throughout the entire post, and mood is the emotion conveyed to the reader. These work together to create a post with a solid foundation. Once you've established these, it makes writing infinitely easier.

Exercise!

I'd like you to find a post in which you see mood and/or theme very clearly. When looking, pay attention to what the posts make you think of and how they make you feel. In a post with strong mood and theme, these things will be constant. Once you've found one, post here identifying the mood/theme, instances where the writer ties back to them, and what you liked about the post in general. Focus on specific strategies the writer uses to create strong mood or theme. Good luck! <333