All the world's a play--open

Somehow, the minutes have turned to hours. The hours have then changed to form into countless days. Those days though, have merely became only a few weeks since my run in with the image of my mother. Weeks after that harrowing ordeal, and still, those damn nightmares fill my head every night. Sure, they may be less numerous throughout the night, but the ones that actually seems to stick out and rob my body of sleep are the ones that I have to worry about. The images of death and blood that won't just leave me alone. Those hours of complete darkness that I have to stare at until the sun begins to rise is what I have to deal with. Sleep just isn't as pleasant for me and it's starting to show as my body becomes more frail to those attacks. My mind just can't seem to rest but the only comfort I get is when I'm with him. He understands what I'm going through, but only in his embrace am I ever fully able to relax. I know Matthew will have my back and will put his life on the line to protect me. If only he knew how bad I wish that it would all just disappear. If none of this had ever happened. Tyren was there for one night to see what my mind was contemplating. HIs words seemed to put forth an effort of my own to keep up those good outter appearances.

Events like this just don't fade over time.

Today is no exception. The hours of dawn were far off when I woke to watch the darkness turn to light. Even then, the house stayed silent. The only sign of life was my father's quick farewell, and the car that revved to life in the garage; then nothing. When the chill of the day was too much, even under the blankets, I found that the only solice I could get would be from the sun and wind. So, dressing quickly took no time at all. Jeran stayed at the academy this weekend to catch up on his duties. Matthew and I are to meet up sometime later tonight as we have become inseperable during the weekends he's here. My only request from my father is left sitting on the counter to pick up a list of edibles from the market. A sudden groan is the only sign of frustration I show as I take off out the door, letting the heat of the day penetrate my skin and give me peace of mind.

Sounds of people are heard long before I even grace the market with my presence. As slow as it is, there's always that one guy, Pator, whose loud mouth seems to wake the entire neighborhood is shouting something about rotten herbs that he had bought. When I pass him, I can't help but stare at the green leaves in his hand that he's trying to show the vendor that he says he had only gotten then two days prior. I casually shake my head and stop at the next station with a plump little man, Herren, I've heard the people call him. He greets me with a snaggletoothed grin and showing me some of the fresh vegatables that someone had brought him just that morning from the outskirts of the town.

"No thanks. Got a list." I tell him, flashing the peice of paper outward for him to see, and keep walking. My gaze travels down to my steps. Only then, do I realize that someone stands in front of me, and I narrowly miss her.

"Sorry." My words are solemn to the woman standing in front of me. My vision travels upward, stopping on to a gentleman down the street. His hair is unmistakable to see. Dark and somewhat long. His height and body shape, has my heart jumping into my throat. A small, inaudible gasp makes it's self known to me as my breaths halt. Two steps backward are taken when I meet with the brick wall, jolting me.

The way the dark hair is somewhat unkempt and the length, along with the height is something I'll never be able to get out of my head. It has to be him, but somewhere inside, logic is telling me that the peacekeepers wouldn't let him out. No. It has to be just an illusion, but the longer I stare after the man, the more his image frightens me. Even the woman, who is saying something to me, isn't acknowledged for what seems like hours as I feel my fingertips begin to clutch onto the brick wall behind me. That is the force keeping me standing. The wall, of all things, is what is keeping my knees from giving out. Now, not only has the nightmares completely taken over my night life, now I have to deal with my waking life and the images that I'm seeing that might or might not be real.

"No." My whisper comes out, as the woman mentions something about water. My verbal refusal is not directed to her though. It's my mind playing tricks on me, telling me that Jins is in the streets. Something deep within is wanting to frighten me to death and tell me that what he did to me and the others wasn't enough to keep him held any longer. He might be under eighteen, but does that really matter when he almost murdered people? When he killed me, but without Tyren's help, I wasn't gone enough.

Still, my eyes never faulter from the man in the street. When a petite, young woman comes up to him and wraps her arms around him, I take a long needed breath of air. My chest rises and falls rapidly for a moment, a hand placed to my head as the man turns around and it looks nothing like the man from my nightmares. He barely resembles Jins as I remember, but my mind has somehow fabricated his image into this young man. The smile on his face is pleasant, whereas the one I see every night is forced with a bit of a devilish hue to it.

"Not him." I repeat under my breath. As the couple disappears into an alleyway, my fingers detach from the wall, a numbness spreading to my wrist. The woman beside me comes into view, her image no longer a blur in my periphreal vision, but I can see clearly the concern on her face. The question that makes it to my clearing mind is asking what just happened. Immediately, my arms fold up against my body, a hesiatant look to her.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to run into you." Last I do remember, was that I had barely missed her, but was that just fabricated in my mind as well? What if I had bumped her? What if she had nearly fallened due to my momentary lapse of consciousness? "I'll pay more attention, my apologies." I give her a small nod, yet no smile. I look quickly to the article of something in my hand and notice the peice of paper is crumpled, clearly misshapen now.

Without even trying to make ammends for what I had possibly done, I turn in the opposite direction of where the man was and stop at the vendor still showing off his goods.

My finger tips sting just slightly, for that I blame the hard surface in which I had dug my nails into. It doesn't actually hurt, but it gives me this odd feeling of calm. Something that I can focus on now instead of what I had just been forced to see. The woman beside me seems to not understand what just happened, but clearly, it's new for me as well. It's a new level of fear that is starting to grip me and if this is going to start happening, there's no point in trying to fight it. I know he's still breathing and living; as long as that is happening, I won't get any rest.

After hearing that I didn't actually make contact with her, I feel a little more relieved. I would hate to have caused pain to someone. Especially to someone I didn't know. As the plump man in front of me is showing some of his precious items, I can't help but let my eyes fall to my fingertips. Red, indented with the small bumps from the brick wall that I so tightly clung to is making the tips feel sensitive as I run my fingers across them. My mind is lost in a whirlwind of thoughts, but still the woman beside me demands attention by her gentle voice that takes me away from the now.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I tell her in between her sentence, but she goes on further to mention that I looked to have been frightened. What can I say? 'Oh, that guy just looked like someone that tortured me since I was six and nearly killed me a couple weeks ago'? I push the thought from my head and make sure those words dont leave my mouth. Talking to complete strangers about what goes on in my life is unheard of. The first person that ever found out was Matthew after we nearly killed each other playing a game of 'moving targets' out in the restricted woods. He's the first one that actually ever got me to open up, but what I didn't know what that happened to set everything up from that one moment.

I try to stuy this woman's features from my side view. She looks calm, concerned all the while. She also seemed to be older than most that I've met, but why would she even worry about something that isn't her business? Or me, for that matter.

"How much?" I ask the man as he tells me a price for herbs I didnt see beforehand. I give him a solid nod and bring out the appropriate amount of coin to pay for the delicate herbs and hold them in my hand as I turn to the woman. "I wasn't scared. Just, a little unsure. Just a case of mistaken identity, is all. I assure you, I'm fine now." I defend myself because I don't like that she noticed, of all people that was around me, that I had thought to have seen Jins. Luckily it wasn't him and life can go on normally now.

"Thank you, for your concern..." I let my words trail off, yet for some reason, I can't help but looking back to the alley where I saw the couple disappear into. Once more, my heart skips a beat just thinking about what just happened. I'll have to phone Jeran later and see if there is any new development in the case.