{u n m e n d a b l e} ~ FAF/Arx

{u n m e n d a b l e} ~ FAF/Arx Jun 24, 2014 16:33:33 GMT -5

Post by arx. on Jun 24, 2014 16:33:33 GMT -5

Simon Antonio Karnes

They say it's what you make,
I say it's up to fate.
It's woven in my soul,
I need to let you go.

Never have I wished that the sky turn from blue to gray like I do today. With the sun relentlessly streaming down, it feel like rain will never come - and it seems our secret ocean has dried up to nothing more than an over-sized puddle. Pretty pathetic. Nearly as pathetic as me and my attempts to appear relatively normal. I've never been normal. I should know better than to try.

I kick up at the dirt path, dust billowing out behind me and clinging to the bottoms of my feet, getting under my toenails. I've wandered quite a ways from ... "home" and I guess in this heat I have lost track of time. After visiting the pond and finding no comfort in the beached row boat or my own reflection in the murky depths I've found myself just wandering in no particular direction with nothing but my own dark thoughts to accompany me.

Perhaps I should've invited Esmeralda along. At least then I wouldn't be alone. At least I wouldn't feel the anger in my rising. I try to focus on my bare feet and how not wearing shoes has in fact made me feel freer, just as she said it would, but even that thought is only a small comfort to me. The truth of the matter is, I can't stop thinking about my sister. It's been a long while since I felt the anger I felt the day I killed her. And with no one to talk to and nothing to preoccupy my mind, the dark thoughts are hanging over me like storm clouds. If only those storm clouds could feed the Earth that needs it so much.

But this is my own personal storm that I know only I can weather.

I run a hand through my hair - still much too long for my taste and for this wretched weather - before focusing my gaze again at my feet, imagining puddles there instead of dust. If only it would ra-

I lose my train of thought when my shoulder collides with something - a person I realize when I spin around and my eyes fly up - and have to swallow a bit of instant rage that overtakes me. I was in the fault, my fault, can't get angry, just say sorry, Simon, for Ripred's sake. I again brush my hair from my eyes, teh sweat making it stand in different direction, and force a smile to my face though I know I have never been much good at smiles and that it really isn't worth it to try but ... whatever.

"Sorry. Wasn't watching where I was going, completely my fault," I say, shoving my fists in my pocket to prevent them from accidentally flying. "You alright?" I ask, my gaze falling again to my feet despite the question being - well, prying in my opinion. "Uh, if it would make you feel better to hit me for that just, by all means, please hit me because, well, yeah." Always, rambling ... I have to chuckle at myself a little - Why is talking to people so damn hard?

Your eyes, they shine so bright,
I want to save that light.
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how.