wooden cats and broken bones [arctic]

Today was the off-day from the flower shop. I know, it's ironic, the boy who burned down a home is now selling flowers for a living. If you would've told me as I sat in that detention center room with Odysseus, I would've called you crazy. I had no intentions of being alive right now. I knew the moment that I was out of there was the moment I'd kill myself.

I knew wrong.

Here I am, 10 years later, owning a flower shop. I'm happier now. The flowers remind me of them; of Lily, of Paige, of Eva. I get to make flower bouquets for them, like the good brother I never was to them. I quickly became fond of the arrangement of flowers once I came back from my time in the DC. How they can all have different meanings. How all of the colors aren't just pretty little colors anymore. It's been my healing. Flowers are such a precious beauty; you can rip off their petals, peel away at their stem, burn off a field of them. You can watch them die, you can watch them bloom. Flowers don't take years, like trees, to grow. You can witness them evolve within the season; they come and they go.

Today was my off-day from the flower shop, which meant it was my weekly trip to their graves.

Lily, Paige and Eva all get their own flower arrangement. I felt like it was necessary. It was my way of remembering them, because they're not all one person. They're family. They're people... I feel like it's only law I pay tribute in such a way. Flowers, like people, are never the same. They bloom differently, they die early, they die late, they change colors, they have multiple colors.

I have a book under my desk of what flowers go with each family member, just in case they died. I just feel like it's needed. I need to be prepared for the pain, and as weird as it is to have their funeral flowers planned, it lets me know that I'm still connected to them as they live on in their next life.

Lily;
- Daisies. Daisies represent innocence, hope. We all had so much hope in our lives, in our names, before she got pulled from us. Lily was so innocent. We all were. We all knew the dangers of the games, but before Lily left, we had hope.
- Gladiolus. These represent remembrance. I'll always remember the moment I saw Eva's face as she volunteered. I'll always remember her as my little sister. The first sister that left. I'll always remember staying up until 3am while our parents would be out on the town taking care of her and Paige.
- Lilac. Lilac's generally represent youth. Lily was so young. She never deserved what she volunteered herself into. She was young, she was {admittedly} dumb. A joy of youth, my book has written down for what Lilac's should be represent. She was so happy. So happy.

Now she's gone.

Paige;
- Roses. Not the ones that people use when proposing to a loved one; a dark crimson color. The one of blood. Roses in general mean I love you, and I do, but I cannot love her anymore. She's dead. Dark crimson is grieving; and it's fair to say I haven't gone a day without grieving for them.
- Tulips, the yellow ones. "Sunshine in your smile." She was always so bright. She used to be so bright. Ever since she lost her twin, she wasn't the same. She used to resemble the light.
- Willows. Sadness. I think this one is obvious.

Eva;
- Zinnias; The thoughts of an absent friend.
- Geranium; True friendship.
- Pink Carnations: I'll always remember you.

I think those don't need explained. Eva and I entered this world as brother and sister; I live as just a brother. She was my friend. My best friend. We've spent so much time together. We cried together. We lived together. We shared a room for the first 6-7 years of our lives. We took care of Paige and Lily even when they were being little shits.

And I left her.

I left her alone during my time in the DC. Nobody talks to their parents about sadness; nobody in their right mind at least. It's hard to share your emotions with your parents because you're always so so fucking scared of letting them down. I'll always remember the nights we spent sitting on our porch after Paige was gone. We'd talk. It was sobering; the hum of the nightlife around us as we reflected on the lives of the two sisters we had before. I'll always remember sharing a birthday. Sharing a birthday present. Sharing the meal. I'll always remember the first friend I ever had because she was the last friend alive.

I was taking my typical route through the district to get to their graves. Bouquets in hand. I normally take this route in silence. I tune into my head and think about what I wanted to say to them. A short sentence, a quick message. It comforted me to talk to them and imagine what (i think, i can barely remember their voice) they'd say in response.

On a typical day, I don't tune out. But today I did.

"Excuse me, can you help me, please?"

I stumbled for a second at the sudden voice in my head. It wasn't Eva, Lily or Paige. I was a bit starstuck, admittedly, because I wasn't used to falling out of tune of my route. I look and see a boy fallen onto the ground. He looked in pain, yes. He also had a ton of food lying around.

How dirty.

I, Preston, would normally not go out of my way to help someone. Especially after nobody went out of their way to help my sisters in the eye of death. But my sister's would've.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

I walk over and grab the few pieces of bread and other goodies and get them back into the bag. I put the bag over my shoulder and offer my hand out to try and help the guy move a bit.

"Do you need help moving anywhere specific? Like the side of the road, or er, what?"

Admittedly, I've never heard or seen this guy before, so it was hard for me to try and figure out what he wanted. So I just stood there, hand held out, bag on shoulder, and flowers in another hand. And I waited. It's been a while ever since I tried this helping-someone-out type of thing outside of my shop. What else is a boy supposed to do? Drag the cripple?