when your heart stops beating // Arabella . Jade

Jade had never been so close to death before today. She had been at Death's Door, her knuckles close to knocking against the frame of the door. Just a whisper away. All it would have taken was a single hit, just a little more time to bleed out, but she had barely managed to survive. She had helped her ally out, who was not much better off than she was, and they had all made it out alive. That's why she should nothing but relief. Joy to be alive, knowing that she would live to see another day.

She wasn't, though. Her feelings were a complicated mess. Cyro wasn't the sort of person she liked, and that was true enough. His son made him feel entitled to win, made everyone around nothing more than pawns that should sit still and let his blade cut them apart, and she'd refused. His alliance members, however, were people that she did like. Arabella, the girl who both annoyed her to death and the girl she liked deep down inside for reasons she didn't really understand. Meredith, the girl she respected due to her strength and courage. She hadn't wanted to take away one of their alliance. She hadn't wanted to meet them in this battlefield at all. She would have preferred them all to die where she had no part in it at all. That way she could look up at the sky at night and quietly mourn them.

The Arena was cruel, however, and one of their alliance members had attacked first. Now, she was sitting in a clearing away from her alliance. She'd stitched herself back together, and her outfit was torn. The badly stitched up wound was visible for all to see. Jade was usually proud of her battle scars: proof of her strength and what she'd been through. It wasn't true for this one. She'd been on the brink of death and had a hand in the death of a person close to people she liked, and that weighed heavily on her soul, but because she was Jade Morin, she would continue onward and raise her chin high no matter the pain. She would endure. She would survive.

The footsteps startled her, followed by a voice. Arabella. She turned around and stared at the girl who always evoked such complicated feelings, and found that for a moment she didn't know what to say. More, she was surprised that the girl wasn't spouting off more. Sure, she said a few words, but that was little compared to Arabella's normal. She felt cold suddenly, wondering if Arabella would be forever scarred from this. Maybe she'd never talk like she used to, and that filled with her a sudden panic. Jade wanted to protect the girl -

No, she needed to die for Jade to live. She took a deep breath and turned around to face her fully. If the other girl was good at it, she would notice the pain in her eyes, but it was obvious only in her eyes. Her expression masked it, and she would otherwise look as strong as ever.

"I didn't want to attack you, you know," she began, watching as the rock fell from Arabella's hands. "It was your side that attacked first," she turned her head slightly to stare at the beach in the distance. "You hate me so much you'd prefer I just stand there and let you stab me to death? That would have made it better?" With this she turned her face back to the other girl. "All of you certainly tried your best to kill me, I guess that's why you're mad. I didn't die."

It hurt her saying those words, because she realized a part of her wanted others to care. An ache that she'd always had buried deep within her, because she'd never really experienced love the way others had. Her voice had been stronger when speaking earlier, or as strong as one's voice could be after barely scraping through a fight alive. Near the end, her voice had become louder, slightly aggressive. Her expression softened now. "Am I proud?" She whispered those words and stared at the girl from Eleven. The type of girl she envied, wished she could have been. "No, but I survived. Am I the one who put you into this situation?"

Her eyes stung, but she wouldn't let the tears fall, because Morin children were taught not to cry.

"I don't want to kill you, Arabella, but if you attack me, I won't just sit still and accept it," Her eyes found the rock near Arabella before she turned her gaze back on the girl.